Dear friends, I want to share this email, which I find very interesting, especially for those who want to be parents or are parents and we see and know how difficult it is done this time to raise our children. Knowing that the actions we take now, marked and determine their life or at least much of it ... "True to form, in a simple and very straightforward, psychologist Pilar Sordo, author of ' Viva la difference' , criticizes the current style of educating parents, who confuse father be close to being father-friend. "Many of the problems of our children is because parents we forgot be authority.
We are the ones sent into the house, like it or not.
Something happened to our generation, forty. It seems that we did not like how we were brought up or what could be worse, we failed to thank all the good it did. Why, you ask? What happens is that adults disown education they gave us and decided to change completely.
is as if we said something like, 'I had such a bad time with my strict parents, I missed so much as a child, I had a very complicated and distant father, I do not want my kids go through the same thing. So I, as Mom and Dad, I'm going to give all you can, because I want them to be happy. "
Thus was born a generation different fathers. This also supported by certain psychological currents that arose in the wrong way that parents should be friends with their children. This phrase so internalized in our society is developing - and I make it clear from now-to parents should be warm and even be 'cool' with their children, what happens is you have to privilege the role of educator. I am a mom and my role is to educate my children, and that is often a stressful paste where I have to set boundaries, make decisions they often do not like to say that not many times a day, and maintain educational consistency that crosses my words, which is covered by the facts.
Much of the problems facing our children today, such as low motivation for studies, low frustration tolerance, impatience, and this 'can' board, with a sense of immense solitude, is because parents forgot we be authoritative. We are the ones sent into the house, like it or not, we choose what we eat or not eat, at least, most of the time, we decide if our children will or will not see their grandparents, because otherwise they will not do so willingly and, therefore, will grow without history or value the experience.
I get to see how parents have lost control over their children, and increasingly often say things like, 'I do not know what to do with my daughter,' and when I ask the age, I find out who is two and a half, I do not know what they intend to do when the girl is fifteen years. It is also common to hear parents tell teachers: Tell him to cut her hair, because I'm not going to listen to. Plop! Or they say: How do force myself to do this or that if it wants?
The reason for this mode is due to a number of factors, including the most important are: the general tendency to avoid any conflict. So as not to see his long face our son we are able to do what he wants. Avoid conflicts throughout the day as us because we have many problems outside of our homes to have inside of them and, therefore, transacted in the one thing that we should not do: the education of our children.
Another important variable is our eternal pursuit of pleasure and, therefore, the avoidance of pain. This is curious because surely you who are reading this magazine, has not learned anything from life, at least as important, if you have not been through the pain. And yet, we want our children to learn in another way, when at the bottom of us know that you can not. There is no fruit without pain.
Another factor is of course little time we spend with our children. I say alleged because, in reality, if a father has an hour to watch the news, is really a time to be with their children, what happens is that he preferred to watch the news. If a mother has an hour to see the TV series, has an hour to spend with their children. It is ultimately a matter of priorities.
think, if we are quite honest, that microwaves were going to serve to be more with those who wanted, and that has not happened, the highway should allow us to be earlier in our houses, and finally we hit later than the knowledge that we are going to take less. So, we keep lying, we became comfortable that the children apparently be 'fun' with the technology, it seems that no one fight in the house and we all get along well, but please think about how we are with them real time to exercise our authority and to educate them as we should.
A final variable in this phenomenon of not being authority passes through the concept of happiness, which certainly has changed for the 'have'. It's like understanding that happiness is bought and, therefore, as we feel guilty of leaving our children alone, we've been covering things that, of course, have made us happier. This has become ungrateful children, dissatisfied reclamones, and with the feeling that maybe not going on.
THE CONSEQUENCES OF BEING 'DAD-FRIEND' .
The issue of parenting, friends of our children has many sides, some are sociological, such as those in some way explained before, but it also has to do with how sensitive we are adults of today to the rejection of our children. not want to see a long face, to tell us that we are outdated, other than the parents of his classmates, who are 'not cool'. In fact, we want to be cool parents, appear as evolved and this makes us extremely ambiguous in the way we educate, costs us to say no. We leave in forty explanations, we are the kings of the 'dependent', with what we put children in a web of insecurities that prevent them from knowing what is right and what not and everything seems possible.
The consequences of being parents, friends are many: children have no respect different from his friends to educate, develop a bad tolerance to frustration because the parents do not tell no, and if they do, change easily with little manipulation. Children become manipulative because they know they can do whatever they want, it's all in how you ask. In the end, teens feel isolated and insecure at first because it's fun to have parents like that, but over time they begin to feel they need someone to guide them because otherwise they die in anguish.
children in their healthy development, they need boundaries, discipline and conduct set by parents, mixed with affection, is the formula for a good education.
Tenderness and discipline seems to be the key. Moreover, it is important to be clear that the more clear is a father or a mother in the way of education, more expressive and free to love is, because if not, the anger and feeling accessory link quality deteriorates.
In general, according to my experience in Chile, I come often to these dads friends who do not know how to get out of the mess that they got a little product of their short-term vision of ' total and will grow ',' are children ',' I put a lot of color ' etc., and when they want to set limits when they are older, it's too late. Fathers of the largest, from eighth grade, they are very distressed. Many lost the battle, are with the feeling that hopefully "not send a very big muddy ', feeling that they do not know what to do with their children.
There is another percentage of parents who, though it hurts me to say, it is 'not there' to educate their children, those who hire radiotaxi weekend by 'can' of having to go look. Those children who are literally 'that you grew up ', without any standard. And these parents have the audacity to say they trust their children and therefore did not set limits. There are also those who are trying to be friends with their children and tell them all that good. Why did not they go to buy cell if all you have? Able than the child trauma, not understanding that you are saying it since I have not before.
Dads give them permission to all children who smoke, who take with them to 'learn', which will finance the piercing and strange clothes who ask. Parents who allow their children for fear rejection, receiving friends at their pieces, understanding that they need to 'privacy' and are not able to say that that's what the living and not the beds.
These parents, friends do not place limits, but does not give much love, do not embrace it will be rejected, do not say 'I love you "for fear of ridicule and, Therefore, they are not consistent in the way of educating.
Of course there are those who are doing well, which put limits , that challenge when it comes to challenge, which meet punishment and so good, they deliver affection, touching, kissing, although teens reject them, because they understand that this is a pose and that does not mean you do not need it. Are parents who come to the pieces of their children even when the door is closed, they say 'I love you', but with the same clarity are able to say no, even if it means having the 'child' or 'girl' with long face for days. Perhaps it is because they understand that education is daily seeding, in which the crop is not immediately, and that, therefore, have to worry every day.
These parents probably are going worse than the others today, but I would like to say do not get tired, which parents we can not tire, we can not give up the wonderful work of a child to a person that's our task and not the schools, and when it is assumed as such a wonderful gift that we can apply.
Our children need urgent responsibility train them, they must be aware of their duties and their rights not only , must work in family rituals and things the house in general. We re-teach the concept of freedom, as it clearly is not doing what they want, but overcome themselves. To be truly free they must overcome the 'can', the evil genius and not feel like talking, but for this to occur, adults should bear witness, we're not doing anything.
Finally, we must educate our children in willpower and perseverance , because nothing in life is achieved without effort and this generation wants to work with the lowest possible energy.
Pilar Sordo.
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